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Summary:
- We tend to deny our push away our negative emotions, and swim in our negative judgments or beat ourselves up for having them in the first place.
- Both our negative emotions and negative judgments are signposts--they are directing us somewhere.
- Underlying our negativity is an unmet need, and unless we get curious and explore them, our negativity will resurface again and again.
- Our needs are abstract--things like LOVE, JOY, CONNECTION, RESPECT, SiAFETY, etc.
Self-Work:
I want you to think of a recent example of a time when someone in your life (even yourself) frustrated you or left you feeling any kind of negative emotion.
Then I want you to celebrate that negativity and write down all the feelings you had and all the judgements. When you think you are done, keep going.
Now, look closer at some of those feelings and judgements and start guessing what the need is lying underneath. It might be as simple as flipping around some of the judgements you had about the other person.
She is cold, could mean you want warmth. She is absent could mean you want connection.
Another way to approach it is pick any one of your feelings and ask yourself why, over and over again until you find the need underneath.
Here is a copy of the Universal Needs to download as a resource.
Then I want you to celebrate that negativity and write down all the feelings you had and all the judgements. When you think you are done, keep going.
Now, look closer at some of those feelings and judgements and start guessing what the need is lying underneath. It might be as simple as flipping around some of the judgements you had about the other person.
She is cold, could mean you want warmth. She is absent could mean you want connection.
Another way to approach it is pick any one of your feelings and ask yourself why, over and over again until you find the need underneath.
Here is a copy of the Universal Needs to download as a resource.
