Why I Love Rejection

I haven’t always loved being rejected, trust me, but my perception of rejection shifted when I learned about a game called Rejection Therapy.  A man by the name of Jason created the game for himself in 2009 after being dumped. He created the game in order to build confidence and overcome his fears.  Now it has gone kind of viral.

When I read about it I immediately thought of many of my clients, but I also knew that I had to look at myself.  (Sometimes the coach needs a little coaching herself…)

I asked myself, in what ways are my fears getting in the way of my goals or dreams?   

The answer came to me immediately.

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One of my goals is to become fluent in French, but I am often afraid to open my mouth to speak. Will they understand me?  What if I sound like an idiot?  What if I don’t understand them if they say something back to me? What if? What if? What if?

My perfectionism was getting in my own way.  I was so afraid of looking bad, that my fear was preventing me from reaching my goal.

I decided to take up the Rejection Therapy game to work through this fear. I gave it a little twist so it applied to my goal of French fluency. A friend of mine in Seattle decided to do it with me. Given the time and distance, we decided to email or message each other each day with status reports. (Having an accountability partner really keeps you in integrity.)

For 30 days I made a point of speaking French with a stranger, or several strangers, each day.  Sometimes I asked for something outlandish (as per the actual game), but often times I just practiced speaking French.

At the furniture store, I asked the sales woman for free-delivery. At the post office, instead of just asking for my package, I commented on the postal worker’s new hair color. At the grocery store, I said hello to everyone I saw, and tried to exchange pleasantries. I went out of my way to say hello to workers that I saw on the street, asking them how they were and what they were doing. I went into shops without actually wanting to buy something, but just so that I could interact with someone (having a cute child is a great conversation starter.)

Thinking of it as a game made it both fun and challenging.

Now I speak French with people all the time. My heart still races a bit, and sometimes I get a little sweaty, but I keep going despite my fear. I no longer ask my husband to go places with me so he can speak for me.  I no longer ask him to make phone calls for me either.  And I actually answer my phone when it rings (instead of letting it go to voicemail so I can listen to the French several times if needed.)

I put on my big girl panties and do it myself.

By letting go of what others thought of me, I have been able to increase my confidence to such a degree that my French has improved in leaps and bounds. It feels so good.  

I even found a stranger to do a language exchange with me.  And after our very first meeting, she hired me to be her coach. A fabulous unintended outcome of putting myself out there!

By working through my fear, I improved my confidence, improved my French, AND expanded my business!  The thought of rejection and/or looking bad still slows me down a bit, but I don’t let it stop me.  

Now it is your turn:

• Do you have a goal or dream that is hanging out in front of you?
• Are your fears holding you back from reaching your dreams?
• What are you really afraid of?
• If your worst fear was realized, what would it look like? Would it really be that bad? (If you are worried that your worst fear will affect someone else, consider talking to them first--you may be surprised by their response.)
• How can you make overcoming your fears a game? How can you make it fun and challenging at the same time? Do you need to take up the Rejection Therapy game?
• How else might you build the confidence to reach your dreams?
• Who can you ask to hold you accountable and keep you in integrity?
• Besides reaching your intended goal, what other unintended possibilities lie in wait?

It's Your Life. Live It Boldly.