When Shit Goes Sideways--Part 2

Shit is always going to go sideways.

Maybe it happened yesterday, or last week, or last month, or last year.

That shit could range from a crappy comment, to unexpected bad news, to a major loss. There is a whole range of shit that happens that puts us in a tailspin.

It’s what you do in that tailspin, and afterwards, that matters.

FEEL HOW YOU FEEL
As I said last week, give yourself permission to feel mad, or sad, or nervous, or devastated, or whatever you feel.

Feel it fully.

There is no need to pretend that everything is FINE or OKAY, when it is not.

And do not let anyone tell you that your feelings are wrong.

At some point, though, we don’t need to “get over it,” but we do need to “get on with it.”

DON’T LOSE SIGHT OF YOUR VALUES
When we are disappointed, or hurt, or threatened, it is very easy for those feelings to cause us to lash out. To scream, to cry, to fight. To combat hurt with hurt.  

It’s the natural way.
It’s instinctual.

The mirror neurons in our brain light up and mimic what we see and hear, and respond in kind.

This is when we need to be mindful.
This is when we need to be attentive.
This is when we need to push our best self forward.  

Remember your commitments.
Remember your values.
Remember what is most important to you.

Fight if you want to fight, but fight in a way that coincides with your values.
Be bold and stand up for yourself and what you believe in, but stand up with kindness, with love, and with an open heart.

At the end of the day you want to be able to say, “I am proud of what I did today.”

FOCUS ON THE SOLUTION
When shit goes sideways, we immediately seek support from like minded individuals or people who will understand.

It’s completely natural to want to vent, or grieve, or complain with someone who will listen. Do it.

Then, once you have found some release, start focusing on the solution.

If it means donating, or volunteering, or making phone calls. Do it.

Take action because it is only through action that things will change.
Take action because it is only through action that we can have power.
Take action because it is only through action that we can truly live in integrity.

LISTEN TO UNDERSTAND
Sometimes shit goes sideways because someone doesn’t share our values.

This is again, when we need to be vigilant.
When we need to insure that we don’t lose our integrity.
When we don’t allow our nasty, self-protecting, ego-maniacal self to come forth.

I know you want to stand in your values and be “right” but that will only lead to discord.

Instead,

We need to listen, as we would want them to listen to us.
We need to get curious about their circumstances and perspective.
We need to put aside our ego and ask open ended questions.
We need to stop worrying about being right and start worrying about finding common ground.
We need to work together.

Again, at the end of the day you want to be able to say, “I am proud of who I am and what I did today.”

Community. Connection. Collaboration. 

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