I am currently reading a book about women and money and it quotes some statistics about how many women are financially self-sufficient. The number seemed quite low, so out of curiosity, I asked in a women’s group about their degree of financial self-sufficiency.
Out of the almost 50,000 women in the group, 543 commented. (Obviously, this is not statistically significant, but it did satisfy my curiosity.)
Most of the comments were positive shouts of, “I AM!” with a small percentage of comments along the lines of, “Not yet,” or “Getting there.”
One woman responded by saying, “Is there a purpose to this exercise, other than to make people feel less than?”
At first, that comment made me freeze. It hurt me to think that I had hurt someone else. After a few moments (and a few deep breaths) I was able to let go of the tension because I knew in my heart of hearts that my intention was true curiosity. In no way did I intend for others to feel bad about themselves and their circumstances. (Unfortunately, intent and impact are not always aligned.)
The questions that came to mind next were: Do I respond? Do I speak my truth? Knowing that she is already hurt by my question, do I continue the conversation? Do I “defend” my actions? Do I let her know that in my opinion, it was not me who made her feel “less than” but that she is holding on to something else that allows her to feel this way?
It didn’t take me long to make the decision.
I took to my keyboard, clarified my intent, and then said, “If I have the power to make you feel “less then”, then I would, in turn, have the power to make you feel “more than”. Do you want to give me so much power.”
As you can imagine, she didn’t love my response, and proceeded to reply, “YOU ARE NOT LISTENING!!!!!” (Yes, just like that.) followed by several other sentences about my not being kind. Yet, on my side, I did a little happy dance. I had spoken my truth. I had been the catalyst to someone being pissed off, AND, at the same time, I felt so completely FREE for having done so. (Often very easy to do behind the screen…)
I have spent a great deal of my lifetime swallowing my truth rather than expressing it. Do you know what happens when I do? I suffer, and if there has been a relationship that I want to maintain, it suffers too. Many of us believe that by with-holding our truth we will preserve the relationship, but often the exact opposite occurs.
I know that I am not alone in this.
If you also happen to be a truth swallower, I have an invitation for you.
I am teaming up with my friend and colleague, Marai Kiele, to teach a virtual class introducing you to Radical Honesty®, developed by therapist, Brad Blanton. It is all about freeing yourself by finally telling ALL of YOUR TRUTH :) We would be truly honored if joined us.
You can learn more about the class, the dates, and who it is for, by following this link.
PS. If you think anyone in your life would benefit from this class, please lovingly share this with them.
Courage. Compassion. Connection.