Did I Shame You, Or Did You Shame Yourself?

Yesterday, there was a comment in my Facebook Group that I had pushed someone and shamed them into taking action. I didn't see it. I saw an invitation and reminder. I reached out to her (she left the group) and I haven't yet heard back from her to get more information. (I truly want to grow from this.)

In the interim, I went back to our beloved Brené Brown to look at shame again.

This is her definition of shame: "I define shame as the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging – something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection."

I have felt shame (I felt it yesterday.), and I know how uncomfortable and painful it can be, and I would NEVER, EVER consciously use shame to as the weapon it can be.

So, here I am wondering where the responsibility lies in the feeling of shame.

There are clear ways that we use shame on others: name-calling, belittling others, expressing disgust, using sarcasm, etc.

What about the times when we make up a STORY about who we are, based on the words of the other, and then use it as a weapon against ourselves?

There are the words they say, and there is the meaning we create from those words.

We still feel the shame, no doubt about it. But, who did the shaming?

I would love to know your opinion on this, so please share your thoughts in the comments.

Forever learning,
Theresa

Courage. Compassion. Connection.